Udder Nonsense

OK...I have always thought that some of Peta's ideas are a little out there, but really folks, I think they have gone over the edge with this one!

For those of you who haven't heard, "Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream" has officially nixed PETA's idea of replacing cow's milk with human breast milk in their ice cream production. Yeah Ben and Jerry!

http://www.nashuatelegraph.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080926/NEWS02/309269979

Picture this...A line of woman hooked up to commercial milking machines! This is absurd on soooooo many levels.

Consider these simple facts....

The average Holstein cow weighs about 1300 lbs and produces 54 lbs of milk per day (54 lbs = 6 gallons sooooo 1 gallon = 9 pounds). This works out to be about 1 pound of milk per 25 pounds of cow.

Let's just say the average woman weighs 150 pounds.....At the same rate of production..., you would need 9 times as many women as cows to produce the same amount of milk...(150 / 25 = 6 lbs x 9 = 54 lbs).....At the same rate of production....

Now, take an average newborn....(since it is hard to measure actual breast milk consumption, for the purpose of this example I will be using averages from bottle fed babies....)...The average newborn eats about 2-4 ozs every 2 hours (for the sake of this example, lets use the high sides....) 4 ozs x 12 feedings = 48 ozs per day....Since Mother's breasts are biologically designed to produce as much milk as their infants require, it stands to reason that an average woman nursing 1 newborn would produce less than 1/2 a gallon of milk per day. In order to keep up with Bessie, she would have to be nursing 12 babies!!! Or you would need 12 times as many mothers nursing 1 baby!!! That works out to be 108 women compared to 1 Holstein!!!....Please feel free to check my math!

Now consider this....In order to keep the Holstein milking....(or the mother nursing) they impregnate her 90 days after her first calf is born. The object being to keep her milking as long as possible. OK women, think of all the diapers that will convert to!!!

Now a couple of logistics questions....

1. Where will they find enough lactating women all in the same place to make this idea even the slightest bit feasible? Or do the people from PETA suggest that we go offshore to mainland China for this resource?

2. How many of you mothers who have nursed your children remember what is was like to be engorged? Imagine going all day and storing up 54 lbs of milk? I'd be fighting to get to the front of that milking line. (Peta must be comprised of men only, who have never felt this feeling!)

3. If it hurts so bad to be milked, why do they line up (sometimes twice or three times a day) with no encouragement whatsoever beyond the relief they know they will feel once the milk has been expressed.

4. Another "pain" fact to consider....If it hurts so much to be milked, why would anyone consider substituting a woman for a cow (a creature who obviously doesn't MIND being milked, considering the fact that they go willingly, sometimes 2 or three times a day,...but I repeat myself....)?

5. If it takes a cow with 4 teats, 1 hour, 3 times a day to produce the aforementioned 54 pounds of milk per day, it stands to reason that a creature with only 2 teats would take twice as long....Each of the 108 women required would have to be hooked up to milking machines 6 hours per day....that works out to 648 hours per 54 pounds of milk! (Are you guys starting to get this????)

6. Next comes the fact that the only thing cows do between milking is graze!!! When would these women find the time to do the laundry, or the grocery shopping???

7. Ben and Jerry's ice cream, while perhaps one of the best out there, is without argument one of the most expensive....This even in light of the fact that they acquire all their milk from local cows that produce approximately 54 pounds per day! Now, add in the wages paid to the 108 chinese women required to produce the same amount of milk per day....Combine that with the process that would have to be developed to transport this milk from China to Vermont as quickly as possible to maintain maximum freshness and you now have ice cream that absolutely no one (even if there were anyone out there anxious for the opportunity to consume someone elses frozen breastmilk!) could afford to buy!

8. And lastly...at least from this writer's point of view...Where will we get the milk to feed to OUR children while all of the lactacting mothers are supplying this precious life giving fluid to the ice cream industry??? Oh, that's right....Chinese women...but that's a blog for another day!!!